Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Can I Get a Break Here?

I'm striking out in the grocery department.

Yesterday, I started at Whole Foods. I thought I'd grab something from the hot bar or take home some soup plus refresh our Great Pile of Fruit (from which we feed The Maw).

Instead, I found a nearly-empty hot bar. What little they offered was congealed and dry at the same time. Not appetizing. So I bought some bananas and blueberries and went to Harmon's. They make good soup.

Part 2. I fill a small bowl with soup, noticing the new cardboard cups. Turns out, though, that those cardboard lids don't really fit the bowls. How do I learn this? By moving the cup from one spot to another. The lid came off in my hand and the mixed-veggie chili exploded across the floor of the produce department. Joy. I may have shoved the cup at Bruce the Baker and said something like, "These new containers AREN'T WORKING OUT!"

That was yesterday.

Today, I went to an Indian place for takeout. Chicken Tikka, I said. Or, I said, perhaps the 1/2 and 1/2 thing with tikka and lamb. Yes, that. What'd I get? Two whole dinners. Chicken tikka and the 1/2 and 1/2 platter. So now I have lunch for the week. And yes, I should have known from the price. But I was wrestling a certain young man and he was in a very, very mischievous mood.
I call this painting "Mom making a mess in the grocery, part 8000"

From there Iain and I popped into Whole Foods for a slice of pizza. They were out of boxes so the deli guy gave me a paper plate loosely (very loosely) wrapped in foil. It wasn't confidence-inspiring. Balancing it in my hand, basket slung over my left arm, I reached out for Iain's hand so he wouldn't run his little paws through the olive bar.

And my basket knocked over a glass bottle of fizzy water, launching shards and cold carbonated fizz all over me, Iain, and two unsuspecting civilians eating their dinner. Yes. Someone stacked glass bottles four feet high in a high-traffic, narrow-aisle area. And I demonstrated the error of that design.

So I think I'm banned from grocery shopping. My luck just isn't what it ought to be.

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