Why Scotland Rocks, part 1

Unfortunately, Charles has been laid low by a bug. The irony of his getting sick in Scotland is that it's the one place so far that he's been unabashedly, outrageously, vocally, expansively in love with. Charles would move to Scotland tomorrow. And thus, of course, it has made him ill.

As a result, I don't have photographs yet. BUT, I can tell you one reason why Scotland Rocks.

It's the sense of humor. On this trip, we've met one Scot with no humor. She was a border guard in Paris. Obviously, living away from her home was the problem, because every Scot in Edinburgh lives to laugh.

I laughed, too. First, at our shuttle driver. Within an hour of our arrival in Scotland we heard him say, "Och, aye." It's like going to New Jersey to hear someone say "yous guys."

Everyone else is funny, too. Witness the restaurant where we ate dinner Wednesday night. The Sizzling Scot. No, really, that's the name. And it's not (just) because the waiters are sizzling hot. Though they are.

At the Sizzling Scot (which specializes in Scottish beef and carries exclusively Scottish products. In fact, there's a signboard on the sidewalk outside that warns customers that if they don't want to eat Scottish food they ought to go someplace else) there are customer comment cards. Have a taste:

"Please tick the appropriate box:

1. Food
a. Pure dead brilliant
b. Not bad at all
c. Just filled a space nae mair
d. I would hae been better aff Doon the Road.
e. Ah wouldnae' gie it tae ma dug

2. Service
a. Treated like Royalty - The Bees Knees
b. Didnae set the house on fire
c. Discreet is one thing - invisible is another
d. Excuse me, Jimmy! Ah'm no deid yet
e. You mean it's NOT self-service?

3. Atmosphere
a. Sizzling
b. Just cooking
c. Only at MY table
d. Early closing
e. Been in a cheerier Dentist's waiting room.

4. Value for the money
a. Worth every bawbee
b. The fayre is fair
c. Nay enough
d. No - whit else can I say
e. Isn't extortion illegal?

Imagine these witticisms in the same restaurant where the (hot) waiters bring you whisky with a smile and then haggis and venison sausage and a strawberry pavlova for dessert. Ridiculous!

Then there was the cab driver who teased us about the contributions of James Watt to worldwide happiness. "Ye've got a bit o' Scotland in yaer hoos!" Guessing what, we determined it was not my J.K. Rowling books, nor our many bottles of whisky, but in fact the lightbulb! Invented in Scotland by a Mr. Watt.

Then there were the re-enactors, the barmaid at the bar next to the Sizzling Scot, etc. etc. ad infinitum.

Stand by for future entries in this genre: Why Scotland Rocks, part 2 (rocks!); Why Scotland Rocks, part 3 (re-enactors!); Why Scotland Rocks, part 4 (The castle!).