3am: eat, poo, spit up delicately. Refuse to sleep for an hour.
7:45 am: scream until Mommy changes wet diaper.
8am: poo in new diaper. Be sure to dip heel delicately in poo.
8:10am: projectile vomit on clothing. Make sure you get a lot on Mommy's clothing, so she has to change, too.
8:15am: projectile vomit on new outfit.
8:20am: consider new outfit. It passes muster; no need to vomit. Ok, vomit a little bit, just to break it in and keep Mommy on her toes.
9am: watch parents freak out when dogs corner a "dead" possum in the yard.
9:10am: watch Dad strip off his lab coat, two pairs of gloves, etc., after discovering that possum was "playing possum" and has wandered off.
9:12am: chuckle inside when dogs show Mommy that said possum now sleeps under our deck.
Noon: poo.
12:10: vomit all over Mommy's shirt, but do it while "going to sleep" up against her. She won't notice until she puts you down, and by then it'll be dry and pasty.
3pm: poo.
6pm: eat. Vomit all over Mommy, the pillow, your sleeper, and your own hand. Good times.
6:05: Mommy notices crusty hair. Probably due to puke. Bathtime!
6:07: show Mommy and Dad poo diaper. Poo rinsed off, bath drained, cleaned, re-run. Ha ha!
6:15: while laying on changing table, pee up into the air, toward Dad, onto carpet, onto changing pad cover, onto towel, etc. etc. Watch Dad pat himself down, trying to see if he's been pee'd on.
6:17: New outfit! Make sure new outfit rests on wet part of towel.
6:19: Another new outfit! This one's ok, so no need to pee or puke.
9pm: eat. Spit up a little, just for appearances.
9:05: poo. Loudly. Loudly enough for the neighbors to hear. Immediately freak out.
9:07: puke while poo is being cleaned off. Be sure to get puke on new changing-table cover.
Whew. Tiring day. Time to sleep. For about 2 hours.
4 comments:
Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting, you poor darlings. I see you are already hard at work on your tragic sense of humor, which is essential to get through the first three months of any child's life. I can't wait to meet the new Halloran Prince of the Universe, and tell him I would be honored if he puked on me to welcome me into his circle of friends. Love Heather
And you want me to procreate so I can have days like this too? Um, yeah... thanks....
Sounds like fun to me. Maybe not for the next couple of years though. At least you can still make me laugh.
Love you all. Hugs across the pond xxx(one each).
Fionna, I work with your mother and just had a baby myself 7.5 months ago. I was in stitches (literally laughed to the point of tears) reading this excerpt in your baby's life. It sounds oh too familiar. Good luck with all the re-runs. It does seem to turn a corner at about 6-8 weeks and then gets even easier at about 12 weeks.
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