I'd just like the people who give baby advice to sit down and have a beer. Is that too much to ask?
On one side of the table would be the Baby Wise people. They're the ones who say: put your baby on a schedule! Don't feed him every time he cries, don't feed him whenever he seems hungry. Regulate his time because You Are the Parent! If you do this, he will sleep through the night at 8 weeks, learn discipline, and turn into a law-abiding citizen. If you don't, Mom will hate herself, stop nursing, spoil the baby, and eventually create a monster who will think the world revolves around him.
On the other side of the table would be the Attachment people. They're the ones who say: breast-fed babies can't be on a schedule! Feed them when they're hungry, not just because it's 3pm or whatever. He needs to be held and to have his needs met or else he won't feel loved. If you cuddle him, wear him, and feed him whenever he wants to eat, you'll teach him to feel secure, and thus to attach. Once attached to you, he can attach to other people and become a self-regulating, productive member of society. If you refuse him food to stick to a schedule, you'll become frustrated, stop nursing and give him formula, eventually producing a malnourished psychopath who has no immune system and doesn't know how to love.
For the love of Pete!
Meanwhile, you can't get an answer to basic questions. Basic. Questions.
So I'm going to call up a friend and ask her advice. Because she'll actually answer my actual questions, rather than flog her pet theory. But I'm pretty frustrated that (just like pregnancy) (and delivery) (and recovery) feeding Iain has turned out to require all sorts of Super Secret Knowledge that's delivered in contradictory, confusing bits.
In other news, I took a picture of the duck socks. So that's something you can look forward to.
4 comments:
Fiona,
Here's some more unsolicited advice. I've heard bad things about "Babywise," that it can lead to malnourishment and dehydration (which is the number one cause of infant deaths per the Parents.com website). We went with the flow and eventually when her natural bio rhythms kicked in, our daughter slept. It did make a big difference when we moved her into her own room around 6-8 weeks, I think because I was rousing her as much as she was rousing me (i.e. everytime I'd hear a squirm or grunt I'd wake her up and feed her). Anyway, I found the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Weisbluth very helpful. It describes what naturally happens with babies sleep patterns and what you can do to aid them. It was mostly reassuring. I truly enjoy your sense of humor, and I can't wait to meet you and Iain when you visit SC. Jessica (work with your mom)
Thanks for the book - I'll check that out. Iain's nightime habits are actually pretty good, and we've just let him set the pace there. I *am* kind of hyper-sensitive to his noises, though.
The thing that annoys me about *both* Baby Wise and Attachment advocates is their doctrinaire language. Honestly - they make it sound as though your choice is their way or Hannibal Lecter.
We're kind of scheduling Iain and kind of not. Mostly, we keep track of his eating so we know when The Danger Zone will kick in. But if he's crying because he's hungry - then I feed him. It doesn't seem that complicated. On the other hand, I don't wake him to feed him, and I don't feed him every time he cries.
So far, he's definitely not malnourished. He's more like kudzu. And based on the pleasure he takes in peeing *on* me, I think he's ok on hydration, so far.
Good to know about how serious those things are, though. Thanks for your comments! We'll look forward to meeting you.
Dude,
We read all that stuff about the need to inculcate IRON DISCIPLINE in your three-week-old baby, lest it start using food stamps right out of the womb and voting for McGovern, and yadda yadda. And then, having read all the other literature, we instantly and accidentally became attachment parenting types when the Small Item actually presented herself. Roll with it, dude. Babies are designed to make their needs known to us. (Ours points at the fridge when she's ready for another beer. But she's fourteen weeks old, so she'll be a few steps ahead of The Iain in that regard.)
We've adopted "be alert and attentive, but don't freak out about shit" as our official motto.
I remember that stage, and I remember the frustration and the fear that I would somehow screw it up, but from someone who had no clue, and who still has a well-adjusted, gorgeous 8-year old boy, I think you should just trust your instincts. Of course, that would require that you quit worrying long enough to notice that you actually have instincts--and you might need a nap before you can actually FEEL them, but they're there. You have a BEAUTIFUL baby, by the way. I would be jealous if my boy weren't just as gorgeous, lol
Love Heather
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