Sparks

This blog started as a travel diary. Sort of. We went away for the summer of 2007, and Charles knew this would put a serious cramp in my Mom-time. I'm one of those people who speaks to her mother on the phone every day. Sometimes 3 or 4 times.

So to fill the gap, Charles set up two methods of communication. He got us a headset and Skype account (.002 cents per minute!! From England to the US!), and he created this blog. Right away, I was totally addicted. If you want to see those posts, and take a very long tour of Oxford, punctuated by short bursts of France, Scotland and Ireland, go have a look at Summer 2007.

After we returned from Europe, the blog languished for a while. But we returned with a bit of extra "baggage." As a way to keep the grandparents informed about Iain's impending arrival, we revived the blog.

Since then I've found a variety of similar blogs. Sometimes, the content is really wonderful. Over at Oakbriar Farm, for instance, I keep track of Evie and her mom. They give me a glimpse into Iain's future - except with tutus. That led me to Evie's aunt Rachel, who blogs too. Our friends Bart and Tony blog, as does Miriam. Even Jeffrey is in on the action. In short, blogging has become a way to figure out dinner, answer questions about Iain, keep current on the news, amuse myself, and find out what all my friends are doing (or procrastinating to avoid doing).

And somehow, I ended up at MBB. Where I read an interview with Derrick Barnes. He has three sons and the interview focused on his parenting. This the kind of synergy the web is supposed to provide. The interview was funny, and it made me think - about what we want to do with Iain, and about how men and women differ. Here's an example of why the interview made me laugh:

The last time my kids cracked me up… my 4-year-old was brushing my 2-year-old's hair, and I heard him from down the hallway tell his little brother, "Hold your head up high, Black man!"

At another point, MBB asked him about traditions. He said:

The one family tradition I hope my kids continue when they grow up is… having dinner every night, in the kitchen or in the dining room, without the presence of a TV, with their families every night.

This one sparked a discussion between me and Charles. We agreed that eating dinner as a family is very important, but I posited that Iain should be able to read sometimes if he wants to, or if he's feeling misanthropic. Charles immediately said no.
C: The rule is, you stay at the table until everyone is done. No tv, no reading, no leaving.
F: But what about on nights when everyone is tired and you just want a little time to quietly eat and read? It's nice sometimes.
C: No. Ok...you can get up early if you do the dishes.
F: I like that one. What about if you're 5 pages from the end of your book? What then?
C: Hmm. That's tough.

In the end, we decided that we might allow for an exception in the case of being right at the end of the book. You still have to come to the table, but you can bring the book and finish it while you eat. Then you have to talk. And you can be excused early, but only to do the dishes (hang on while I fantasize about Iain someday doing dishes....). Further, we agreed (sort of) that you have to think about exceptions in advance because if you let Iain negotiate all the exceptions on a case-by-case basis you're just inviting whining and a certain sense that rules only exist if enforced.

See how blogs make you think?

Then I read this:

The thing I lost as a dad that I wish I could get back is… my sense of invulnerability. As a very young man, you feel as if you can break bricks and bend iron; fear is not a part of your vocabulary. But when you have children, it is no longer about you. Invulnerability becomes a very tangible care and concern, and ultimately, you become hopelessly, helplessly vulnerable.

I think this really highlights one of the differences between men and women. Or, rather, this statement made me think about those differences. Maybe he didn't mean it this way at all, but my brain took the quote and ran with it.

Anyway, I never felt invulnerable. Charles will certainly attest that I always had a sense that the world was full of baddies who might swoop down at any moment. I think many young women feel this way. So when Iain came along, it just added to the tension. Throughout my pregnancy, I was totally paranoid about being in a car accident, getting stuck somewhere with no way home, being alone...on and on. Once he arrived, I cogitated on his safety constantly. What if someone came in through his window and Stole Him?! What if the mailman was really a Baby Snatcher? What if, what if.

Maybe I'm just nuts (this is the part where Charles says..."Maybe?"). But I think that sense of personal power might be a more common pleasure for young men than young women.

In any event, it was a good interview. I like the blog, and I like that through our blog I found a whole world of writers. When people bemoan the decline of literacy, I just have to laugh. I'm sure I read more now (and much better content) than I ever did in the days when all my news came from reading the paper.