According to the super-reliable (and very deep) USA Today, the life expectancy for an American woman is 80.1 years.
But not for me.
I've decided to start keeping track of the years Iain is removing from my life. Like this:
79.1: That time last week he flung himself off the guest bed and I caught him two inches from the floor. Now, it was only about a 12-inch drop, and the floor is carpeted. But still. Minus one year.
78.1: This morning, when he bit off a chunk of teething biscuit, gagged, and then vomited three times all over the place, red-faced and looking at me like, "Holy Cannoli, Batman!" Minus 1.
Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
4 comments:
Oh honey. You have NO idea what's to come...
When he starts to walk into corners and tumble down stairs, those instances apparently remove 3-5 years. This is according to Mom. She also said that while it removes years, these incidents dramatically increase the grey hairs you will start to have. And you want me to have one??!!!
Yes!! I understand...I have lost several years as well-
1 for when he fell off the back of the couch, 1 for when he fell down the stairs and then I tacked on another year or two for good measure when I reached out to catch him and couldn't. I have learned babies bounce, but that doesn't make it any better.
And yes, Miriam, you should have one, then you can be cool like Fiona and I. :)
Miriam - can't have you growing old with nice brown hair while Erin and I are grey and having years shaved off our lives regularly. We need to all be aging at the same rate. Hence, you must reproduce.
Of course, Iain's self-interested position is that so long as you don't, he gets better (more) presents. So don't ask him what he wants.
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